


A Ship of Fools

by Mattecat



Category: Homestuck, The LEGO Movie (2014), Touhou Project, Warriors - Erin Hunter
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M, various character focus, various relationship focus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-16
Updated: 2014-03-09
Packaged: 2017-11-16 14:58:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 37
Words: 6,407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/540706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mattecat/pseuds/Mattecat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A collection of very short shipping ficlets, most set in the Homestuck fandom. For a complete list of shippings and characters, see the index in the first chapter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Index

### Sorted by Fandom

#### Homestuck

[John x Rose](http://archiveofourown.org/works/540706/chapters/960868)  
[John x Dave](http://archiveofourown.org/works/540706/chapters/960871)  
[John x Jade](http://archiveofourown.org/works/540706/chapters/1071442)  
[John x Karkat](http://archiveofourown.org/works/540706/chapters/1071455)  
[John x Vriska](http://archiveofourown.org/works/540706/chapters/960863)  
[John x Vriska 2](http://archiveofourown.org/works/540706/chapters/1071635)  
[Rose x Dave](http://archiveofourown.org/works/540706/chapters/1071448)  
[Rose x Jade](http://archiveofourown.org/works/540706/chapters/960875)  
[Rose x Karkat](http://archiveofourown.org/works/540706/chapters/1284783)  
[Rose x Kanaya](http://archiveofourown.org/works/540706/chapters/1287975)  
[Rose x Feferi](http://archiveofourown.org/works/540706/chapters/1287981)  
[Dave x Jade](http://archiveofourown.org/works/540706/chapters/960864)  
[Dave x Jade 2](http://archiveofourown.org/works/540706/chapters/1071444)  
[Dave x Terezi](http://archiveofourown.org/works/540706/chapters/1166575)  
[Dave x Gamzee](http://archiveofourown.org/works/540706/chapters/1146004) (black)  
[Jade x Sollux](http://archiveofourown.org/works/540706/chapters/960861)  
[Jade x Nepeta](http://archiveofourown.org/works/540706/chapters/1275851)  
[Jade x Kanaya](http://archiveofourown.org/works/540706/chapters/1284793)  
[Jane x Roxy](http://archiveofourown.org/works/540706/chapters/1145986)  
[Jane x Jake](http://archiveofourown.org/works/540706/chapters/1071452)  
[Jane x Gamzee](http://archiveofourown.org/works/540706/chapters/1275738)  
[Dirk x Jake](http://archiveofourown.org/works/540706/chapters/1287984)  
[Dirk x Equius](http://archiveofourown.org/works/540706/chapters/1287991)  
[Tavros x Gamzee](http://archiveofourown.org/works/540706/chapters/960867)  
[Karkat x Terezi](http://archiveofourown.org/works/540706/chapters/1071596)  
[Karkat x Terezi 2](http://archiveofourown.org/works/540706/chapters/1284770)  
[Karkat x Vriska](http://archiveofourown.org/works/540706/chapters/1276546) (black)  
[Karkat x Feferi](http://archiveofourown.org/works/540706/chapters/1145984)  
[Terezi x Gamzee](http://archiveofourown.org/works/540706/chapters/1146002) (black) 

#### The Lego Movie

[Emmet x GCBC](http://archiveofourown.org/works/540706/chapters/2678848)

#### Touhou Project

[Reimu x Marisa](http://archiveofourown.org/works/540706/chapters/1071470)  
[Sakuya x Hong Meiling](http://archiveofourown.org/works/540706/chapters/1145990)  
[Kisume x Yamame](http://archiveofourown.org/works/540706/chapters/1287970)

#### Warriors

[Ravenpaw x Violet](http://archiveofourown.org/works/540706/chapters/1071650)

#### Crossovers

[Vriska x Mabel](http://archiveofourown.org/works/540706/chapters/1071679) (Homestuck/Gravity Falls)  
[Tavros x Mr. Crocker](http://archiveofourown.org/works/540706/chapters/1145999) (Homestuck/Fairly Odd Parents) 

### Sorted by Category

#### M/M

[John x Dave](http://archiveofourown.org/works/540706/chapters/960871)  
[John x Karkat](http://archiveofourown.org/works/540706/chapters/1071455)  
[Dave x Gamzee](http://archiveofourown.org/works/540706/chapters/1146004) (black)  
[Dirk x Jake](http://archiveofourown.org/works/540706/chapters/1287984)  
[Dirk x Equius](http://archiveofourown.org/works/540706/chapters/1287991)  
[Emmet x GCBC](http://archiveofourown.org/works/540706/chapters/2678848)  
[Tavros x Gamzee](http://archiveofourown.org/works/540706/chapters/960867)  
[Tavros x Mr. Crocker](http://archiveofourown.org/works/540706/chapters/1145999)

#### M/F

[John x Rose](http://archiveofourown.org/works/540706/chapters/960868)  
[John x Jade](http://archiveofourown.org/works/540706/chapters/1071442)  
[John x Vriska](http://archiveofourown.org/works/540706/chapters/960863)  
[John x Vriska 2](http://archiveofourown.org/works/540706/chapters/1071635)  
[Rose x Dave](http://archiveofourown.org/works/540706/chapters/1071448)  
[Rose x Karkat](http://archiveofourown.org/works/540706/chapters/1284783)  
[Dave x Jade](http://archiveofourown.org/works/540706/chapters/960864)  
[Dave x Jade 2](http://archiveofourown.org/works/540706/chapters/1071444)  
[Dave x Terezi](http://archiveofourown.org/works/540706/chapters/1166575)  
[Jade x Sollux](http://archiveofourown.org/works/540706/chapters/960861)  
[Jane x Jake](http://archiveofourown.org/works/540706/chapters/1071452)  
[Jane x Gamzee](http://archiveofourown.org/works/540706/chapters/1275738)  
[Karkat x Terezi](http://archiveofourown.org/works/540706/chapters/1071596)  
[Karkat x Terezi 2](http://archiveofourown.org/works/540706/chapters/1284770)  
[Karkat x Vriska](http://archiveofourown.org/works/540706/chapters/1276546) (black)  
[Karkat x Feferi](http://archiveofourown.org/works/540706/chapters/1145984)  
[Terezi x Gamzee](http://archiveofourown.org/works/540706/chapters/1146002) (black)  
[Ravenpaw x Violet](http://archiveofourown.org/works/540706/chapters/1071650)

#### F/F

[Rose x Jade](http://archiveofourown.org/works/540706/chapters/960875)  
[Rose x Kanaya](http://archiveofourown.org/works/540706/chapters/1287975)  
[Rose x Feferi](http://archiveofourown.org/works/540706/chapters/1287981)  
[Jade x Nepeta](http://archiveofourown.org/works/540706/chapters/1275851)  
[Jade x Kanaya](http://archiveofourown.org/works/540706/chapters/1284793)  
[Jane x Roxy](http://archiveofourown.org/works/540706/chapters/1145986)  
[Vriska x Mabel](http://archiveofourown.org/works/540706/chapters/1071679)  
[Reimu x Marisa](http://archiveofourown.org/works/540706/chapters/1071470)  
[Sakuya x Hong Meiling](http://archiveofourown.org/works/540706/chapters/1145990)  
[Kisume x Yamame](http://archiveofourown.org/works/540706/chapters/1287970)


	2. Index

He thought that working in a coffee shop would be a nice job, something where he could relax a little and at the end of the day they could sit and talk and drink coffee together. Instead, it's a mess, and Sollux's spends the entire day in the back making sure he gets the orders right while Jade runs from table to table delivering them, and by the time their shifts are over they're so exhausted that all they do is say goodbye and walk home.

But sometimes, the day isn't so busy, and they do have some time left at the end of the day to sit down together and talk over cups of coffee. They're interested in different subsets of science, but they find some common ground to talk about, and sometimes Jade invites him over to help with the latest robot prototype she's working on, or Sollux invites her to his apartment to see the latest program he's written and dares her to break it. She does every time, of course.

All in all, he thinks, when he walks into the shop and sees Jade's smiling face, it isn't as much of a bad job as it could've been.


	3. John x Vriska

John hadn't wanted to watch Con Air again. It brought back too many old memories, of watching it with his dad, of fooling around with an old ragged bunny on his thirteenth birthday, of watching it again with Jade and feeling all the pain of that day crash down on top of him. But Vriska was insistent. She had been waiting for this a long time, and she wasn't going to let any silly human emotions get in her way.

Vriska gasped at all the right parts, laughed at all the parts John used to laugh at, and seemed to genuinely enjoy the movie. John didn't like the movie, and didn't think he would ever like it again, but sharing it with Vriska, he thought, was good.


	4. Dave x Jade

The game Roxy sent them to beta-test was a simple platformer game, where you played as an awfully familiar boy and girl, collecting frogs in a magical rainforest. Dave wished that she hadn't used their tales from SBurb in her ideas for her video game company, but Jade was delighted, so he figured it probably wasn't all bad.

They played two-player late at night, after Jade had spent the better part of the day beating story mode. She kicked his ass, of course.

"Yaaay!" Jade whooped after another round. "We win again!"

"We?" Dave said. "You're the one with all the frogs."

"Don't be silly," she said. "The goal of the game is to work together, just like we did back then. So in a way, we both win!"

She smiled and kissed him on the cheek. "Ready to play again?"


	5. Gamzee x Tavros

For their six-month anniversary, Gamzee manages to acquire fireworks. Tavros isn't sure of the safety of setting them off themselves, but Gamzee gets Karkat to help them set up, so… that's good! He thinks.

But no matter his own doubts, Gamzee is sure of himself. And he trusts Gamzee. So when he lights the fuse and runs back to where they're sitting, Tavros smiles at him and quells his worries.

The fireworks go off perfectly. Tavros watchings the sky light up in awe, then turns to Gamzee only to see that the other troll is just as entranced as he was.

It doesn't take long for the fireworks to end, and when they do, it's Gamzee who starts the kiss.

"Happy anniversary, my best bro."

Dimly, Tavros remembers that anniversaries are only anniversaries when they're celebrating a year, but that doesn't seem important right now.


	6. John x Rose

The first batch ends up horribly burnt. John's baking experience has been mostly limited to cakes, not cookies, and Rose's experience has been nonexistent, so it's not a surprise that they mess up, but it's still a little disappointing.

The second batch, they don't cook long enough, so John puts them back in the oven for a few minutes and they end up scorched, but edible.

The third batch, they burn again.

"Is this one of those activities where the experience is better than the end result?" Rose asks with a smile.

"They're cookies! The end result is supposed to be cookies!" John folds his arms and sits down against the stove with a "hmph".

She picks up one of the burnt ones and examines it. "We've made… something similar to that, yes."

John eyes her and the cookie warily. "You're not going to eat that, are you?"

Rose smiles and bites into it. It tastes awful.

They both end up sitting on the floor, eating cookies and laughing, while the fourth batch is left forgotten to burn in the oven.


	7. John x Dave

"This is stupid."

"Shut up, John. This was your idea."

John had thought that if he and Dave spent the night sleeping under the starts, it would be romantic, but instead it was cold and they were being eaten by mosquitos and the blanket they brought out to share was barely big enough to cover both of them. Dave checked his watch; one A.M. They had been out here for three hours already. Damn.

"Let's go inside," John said.

"Nope. We've made a commitment here, John. We're sticking with this 'til morning."

"Aw, come on, Dave!"

He smiles a little, knowing John can't see it in the dark. "Next time you'll think before we try another one of your 'romantic' ideas."

John grumbles, then puts his head on Dave's chest. "You're being my pillow, then."

"Fine with me."

They wake up with the first morning light, stretching their stiff limbs and smiling at each other, then gathering up the blanket to go back inside.


	8. Rose x Jade

When the doorbell rings, Rose ignores it. It's rare for people to come to their house, and when they do, they always ask for her mother, and Rose just let's them be. So when her mother pokes her head into her room to say, "Rose, dear, there's someone to see you," saying she was surprised would be an understatement. Confused, and a little wary, she follows her mother to the door, wondering who on earth would ask for her?

At the door is a very familiar face, yet unfamiliar in that she had never seen her in person before.

"Hi Rose!" she said, grinning. "It's me, Jade!"

Jade started talking about how she had really wanted to see Rose, and how she got Becqueral to teleport her there, but all that matters to Rose is that Jade is here, and as she hugs her, seeing her face light up is the best thing in the world.


	9. John x Jade

"You've really never made cookies before?" John asks again, incredulously.

"No, John, I've never made cookies!" Jade stirs the batter a little too vigorously and sends a glob flying out onto the counter. "Oops."

"Sorry, it's just kind of weird. Everyone's made cookies before."

"Well, I'm not everyone." Jade goes to wipe up the glob, but before she can, John scoops it up with a finger and eats it. "John, it's not cooked yet!"

"Not a problem." Jade giggles.

The oven suddenly beeps, making them both jump. "That's the first batch!" John says. "Let's try them!"

Jade drops the bowl and rushes over.

The cookies are perfect. Maybe not completely perfect, but perfect enough for John and Jade. Especially for John, seeing Jade's face light up when she takes her first bite of a cookie is the most perfect thing in the world.


	10. Dave x Jade

It's a rite of passage for all kids to play spin-the-bottle, Rose told them when they all had found a dark room to play in private. John thought it sounded like great fun, though he got a little flustered when he had to kiss Rose, Dave was impassive, but Jade thought that they were a little too young for kissing, and the whole thing was silly, and shouldn't they just go back to their families and -

"Come on, Jade, you can't back out of this!" John grinned. "Just kiss Dave already!"

Jade blushed. "But- but-"

"I bet he wants to kiss you! Right, Dave?" He turned to Dave, who's cheeks were burning red. Rose hid a smile behind her hand.

Dave swallowed, then looks at Jade. "Well," he said, "it's now or never."

Jade's heart started to pound, but she nodded, and slowly they moved closer and closer to each other until their lips met and John's dad opened the door.


	11. Rose x Dave

Rose has four months of memories from her doomed timeline self; ones that offer her insight into the mechanics of the game, ones that make her forever thankful that John and Jade are alive and well, and then, well, there are memories of her and Dave.

Her and Dave sitting together on Derse, watching Skaia twinkle so far away. Her and Dave standing in her mother's kitchen, Dave holding her while she cries and cries and cries. Her and Dave kissing and clinging to each other like they're the last two people in the universe, because as far as they know, they are.

She mentions it to her Dave, when she first wakes him up on Derse. He just shrugs and doesn't look her in the eye.

In her memories, their relationship was born of tears and pain, but Rose wants one born of mutual affection, something they can cherish both now and when the game is over. She doesn't tell this to Dave, though sometimes she wishes she had.

Later, they discover that they're siblings, and any feelings she has have to be hidden away, but she can't get rid of them entirely.


	12. Jane x Jake

Jake finds a set of horror movies under the TV, and he and Jane decide to watch them together.

It's one of the worse decisions in their lives.

Jake still has images of monsters etched in his mind when he hears a knock at his bedroom door. He instinctively reaches for his guns before remembering that the movies aren't real and he probably shouldn't shoot whoever's at the door. So instead, he calls out, "Hello?" and tries to keep his voice from shaking.

"It's me," says Jane's voice, and Jake sighs in relief. "Can I come in?"

"Of course!" Jake says, shoving his guns out of sight.

The door opens and Jane comes in. "I couldn't sleep," she says. "Can I stay with you?"

"Shucks, Jane, of course you can." He scoots over and pats the bed beside him. She climbs in and smiles.

"Thanks."

"No problem."

They fall asleep with their arms around each other, the monsters kept at bay.


	13. John x Karkat

There's a minor argument on what they should do for Christmas; John wants to decorate a tree, but Karkat, noticing the similarities of the human holiday to 12th Perigee's Eve, wants to decorate a behemoth leaving. Before they can get too heated, Rose wisely points out that there are no behemoths around to leave leavings, so they settle on a tree.

"It's not even gross," Karkat mutters while they're hanging ornaments. "Once it's hardened it doesn't leave a smell or anything."

John wrinkles his nose. "It's poop, it's always gross. Alien culture is weird."

"Well fuck your culture too!" Karkat looks at the ornament he's holding. "At least these are on the same idea. Just any old junk you have lying around the house, right?"

"They're not junk! Some of these were my dad's!"

"Then it's junk with sentimental value."

John rolls his eyes and stands on tiptoes to put the star on.


	14. Reimu x Marisa

Reimu sighed as she felt a heavy weight on her shoulders. "What do you want now, Marisa?"

"Kisses," Marisa said, her arms draped around Reimu's shoulders. "Kisses and your food."

Reimu moved her lunch away. "You can have the kisses, but not my lunch. Go make your own."

"Aw. Please?"

"Can't you cook? No, I know you can cook. I've seen you cook!"

Marisa pouted. "It's better when you cook for me. Or when you give me your food. So please can I have your food?"

Reimu couldn't help it; she laughed a little. "Maybe, if you're good, I'll make you something after I'm done eating."

"Fine, fine." She leaned in close to her ear. "But I still want those kisses."

Reimu smiled and fulfilled her request.


	15. Karkat x Terezi

They were close. Too close. Karkat could feel her breath on his shoulder as he lay on the ground, Terezi on top of him. It was strange, to be so close without having to fear that she'd smell the blood running under his skin - because she already had, and by now it was old news that nobody on the meteor gave a fuck about.

This didn't stop him from mentally freaking out about how damn _close_ they were.

She kissed his neck and he shivered. "What's wrong?" she asked, and she knew she was grinning even if she couldn't see it at this angle.

"Force of habit," he said, not looking her in the eye. "Nothing important."

She dug her nails into his arm, hard enough to draw blood. "Then let's continue, shall we?"


	16. John x Vriska

Their first date was at a human sandwich shop. Vriska had orders hers with extra grubsauce as a joke, which earned her a strange look, and John quickly explained that she had actually meant extra _mustard_ , which was a human condiment she soon learned she didn't like at all.

"Jo-ohn," she said, shoving her sandwich aside. "This date sucks."

"It's not like I've ever been on a date," John said indignantly. "Everywhere I looked said to go out to a movie or restaurant and I only had enough money for here!"

"At least you're trying. That was a compliment, dummy," she added when John still looked upset. "Now, what else do we do on dates?"

"Uh..." John looked flustered all of a sudden. "Hold hands?"

Vriska rolled her eyes and leaned in close.


	17. Ravenpaw x Violet

Ravenpaw had been going out a lot lately, Barley noticed. When he asked him about it - not in any confronting way, mind you, just a friendly question - he told him that he was just going for a walk. An obvious lie, of course, but Barley wasn't going to go and stick his nose into Ravenpaw's business.

Still, it was strange. He was gone all day, sometimes, much too long for a simple walk. He seemed happy, so Barley didn't press him about it, but he worried a little.

And the smell on him... there was the smell of Twolegplace, but there was another smell too, and Barley thought he was going crazy, but he knew that scent.

It was the scent of his sister, Violet.


	18. Vriska x Mabel

"Look! I made you a sweater!"

Mabel seemed impressed with herself. Vriska was not.

They had many arguments over the sweaters. Mabel had wanted to wear a sweater with Vriska's sign, and Vriska had gone on a rant about how no, it was _her_ sign and _her_ blood color and _she_ couldn't wear it. Mabel then asked if she could wear a redblood version of her sign, which only made her angrier. In the end, Mabel had worn a sweater with Vriska's face on it, which Vriska grudgingly deemed O.K.

A sparkling sweater with her dice on it? That Vriska was supposed to wear? That was _not_ O.K., and she told Mabel as such.

"Aw, but I worked really hard on it!" Mabel looked disappointed enough that Vriska had to give in. She'd rip out the sequins later.


	19. Karkat x Feferi

Feferi had a crush, like most five-sweep-olds. Her crush was a troll her own age, who typed in grey text but was probably a lowblood judging by how he talked, but sometimes she fantasized about him being a seadweller who lost his gills and had to hide his blood color for… some reason.

Karkat Vantas was his name. She gushed about him to Eridan when she first got her crush, but he seemed bothered by it, so she stopped. But she still adored him, like only a young troll with a crush could, and as they made plans to meet, she imagined the look on his face when he realizes that she isn’t just any seadweller, and grinned.


	20. Jane x Roxy

Sometimes, Jane thought of all the dumb things she had said in the past and she wanted to curl up and die. Especially the things she had said to Roxy. How could she? And how could Roxy stand to be with her still?

Roxy always seemed to know when she was in one of those moods, and she came to her with hugs and kisses. Jane buried her face in her shoulder, took a deep breath, and told herself that it was all in the past now, Roxy’s forgiven her, and everything’s okay, and soon she’s happy and smiling again.


	21. Sakuya x Hong Meiling

Not a lot of youkai celebrate birthdays. Not every human does either, and Sakuya herself hasn’t celebrated her own for years now. But after Flandre’s birthday celebration leaves Meiling incapacitated for over a week, Sakuya decides to do something nice for her. So she chooses a day to designate as as Hong Meiling’s birthday, and goes up to the room where she’s recovering.

Meiling is sitting up in bed when Sakuya opens the door, reading one of her action comics. The bandages around her chest are less than before, which is a good sign, Sakuya thinks. She closes the door behind her and Meiling looks up.

“Oh,” she says. “Hey, Sakuya!”

Sakuya smiles and sits down beside her. “I came to tell you that your birthday is in a few days.”

Meiling’s eyes widen. “Oh no, not another one!”

She laughs. “Don’t worry, it’s your birthday this time. You get to choose what to do.”

“Okay. That’s good.” Meiling leans back and frowns. “I didn’t know I had a birthday, though.”

Sakuya kisses her forehead. “Don’t worry about it. It’s a reason to celebrate, after all.”


	22. Tavros x Mr. Crocker

“I’m sure, you have good reasons for this,” Tavros said, kneeling down behind the bush with the strange man he had befriended. “And I’m sure, it will end up fine, but, uh, I think, this might be harassment.”

Mr. Crocker laughed. “No worries, my friend! Once we prove that Timmy Turner has FAIRY GOD PARENTS –”

Tavros flinched at the sudden outburst and waited for Crocker’s spasms to cease.

“– all of our problems will be solved!”

“I don’t mean to be rude, but that doesn’t answer my question. I mean, my statement. In fact, you didn’t answer it the last few times I brought it up, so I think, you are avoiding the subject. What are we going to do with these fairies?”

“Well, you see, once we have acquired the fairies, we will –”

Mr. Crocker was interrupted when the kid they were spying on opened his window. “Hey! Crocker! Weird alien kid! Leave me alone!”

“Curses! We’ll get you next time, Timmy!”

Tavros sighed.


	23. Terezi x Gamzee

Karkat and Dave were problems. Gamzee and Terezi had to meet in secret, deep within the asteroid, to prevent anyone – not Dave, and definitely not Karkat from discovering them.

Terezi hated how he made her feel. On the one hand, she hated Gamzee so much and in just the right way and she wouldn’t give it up for anything. On the other hand, she felt a little guilty about Karkat and Dave.

Karkat was so, so flushed for her that he would be willing to fill her spades quadrant if it only meant he could be with her. And here she was with two quadrants filled and he wasn’t one of them. Yeah, she felt bad. But he wasn’t a wriggler, he would get over it. Eventually. But until then, Terezi had to avoid him, and hope he wouldn’t notice her new bruises.

Dave, well, he just didn’t understand the quadrant system. Feeling red for him and black for Gamzee were two different feelings. But he didn’t understand.

It was a right mess, and Terezi eagerly awaited her next chance to take out all this hate and frustration on Gamzee.


	24. Dave x Gamzee

“You ain’t but a fool,  
you’re just a juggalo tool.  
You think your fires are ill?  
Mine will send you to the hospital.  
Don’t give me that look, clown,  
you think I’m playing aroun’? ‘D? Shit, I bombed that. I am not in my game today, give me a moment.”

“Shut up.”

“Come on, I’m just getting started.” Dave took another breath.

“I might be going spades for you,  
but I won’t change the things I do  
I can’t be held responsible  
when things get a little uncomfortable – fuck yeah!”

Gamzee tightened his grip on his club and wondered how much trouble he’d get into with Karkat if he bashed Dave’s skull in a little.


	25. Dave x Terezi

When she asks him out, he screws it up. Terezi comes over and asks if he wants to go on a date and Dave thinks she's joking. She leaves in a huff and he doesn't realize what he did until Karkat comes and yells at him. So he's determined not to mess it up again when he goes to visit see her in her room.

"Hey," he says when she opens the door, "I just wanted to say..." He rubs the back of his head. "Sorry, and maybe would I you go on a date with you?"

Well, that was a disaster. Terezi laughs at him, showing all her teeth. "Smooth, coolkid!"

"Can't be an expert wordsmith all the time," he says. "Is that a yes?"

Terezi walks out and takes his arm. "Sure," she says. "take me somewhere nice."

"There's not a lot of nice on this asteriod."

"Get me dinner in Can Town. That's nice enough."

"I can arrange that. What flavor of chalk would you like?"

She laughs again and they walk down the hall together.


	26. Jane x Gamzee

Every year, for their anniversary, Gamzee made Jane a magic potion out of troll blood, and each year, Jane politely refused it. Instead, they partook of Jane's baked goods, which were much more socially acceptable.

The past few years of their relationship had been a source of confusion for Jane. What they had wasn't love, but it wasn't quite the trolls' concept of kismesissitude either. Jane didn't hate Gamzee, and she was fairly certain he didn't hate her. What they had was something that neither trolls nor humans had a word for, though if Jane was being honest with herself, the proper term was probably "fuckbuddy".

Still, she thought, cutting herself a slice of cake, what they had was nice, in its own way. And if she was enjoying herself, well, what more could she want?


	27. Jade x Nepeta

John squinted up at the sky, one hand raised up to shield his face from the sun. “Is that…?”

“Well, shit,” said Dave. “I think it is.”

The giant blue cat-shaped balloon was slowly approaching them, carrying the three members of Team Bagel with it. Mutie, from his spot on Rose’s shoulder, meowed and pressed his face into her hair. She pat him and smiled. “Don’t worry,” she said. “We won’t let them capture you.”

“Why do they even want Mutie?” said Dave. “Jesus, he’s just a cat.”

“Not just a cat! If they’ve been trying to capture him for so long, then he must have… I dunno, something special!”

“No, John, he’s just a cat.”

The balloon landed, and its three occupants leapt out and struck poses.

“Prepurr for trouble!” said Nepeta, grinning a dastardly grin.

Jade nodded, her back against Nepeta’s. “And make it double!”

“To purrtect the world from devastation!”

“To unite all people within our nation!”

“To depounce - I mean, denounce the evils of truth and love!”

“To extend our reach to the stars above!”

“Nepeta!”

“Jade!”

“Team Bagel blasts off at the speed of light!”

“Surrender now, or prepare to fight! I mean, purrpare! Wait, do I have to make the cat puns too?”

“Of course you do, Jade!”

Pounce De Leon, lacking the ability to talk, finished off the motto with two loud meows.

“Oh my,” said Rose, covering her mouth to hide her smile. “Whatever shall we do?”

“Well, we won’t go down without a fight!” John grabbed one of his crudely made pokéballs and threw it on the ground. “Equius, I choose you!”

The five of them waited, but nothing happened. Nepeta rolled her eyes. “Equius, that’s your cue.”

“I refuse to participate in this ludicrossity,” Equius said from across the room.

“Ludi-cross-ity? Equius, was that a pun?”

Jade stomped her foot. “Come on guys, focus! It’s super-awesome-roleplay time, remember?”

“Don’t worry, guys, I’ve got this.” Dave nudged the snoring salamander at his side awake. “Casey, use thunder.”

“Dave, Casey’s not supposed to be Pikachu! Mutie’s Pikachu!”

“Then what’s Casey?”

“Squirtle?”

“I thought she was Charmander.”

Casey, oblivious to the argument that was starting to brew around her, started blowing bubbles. Dave looked down at her. “Alright, you’re squirtle now. Or whatever pokémon uses bubble.”

“I’m afraid to break it to you,” Rose said, “but Team Bagel is making off with Mutie as we speak.”

And indeed, Jade and Nepeta had grabbed Mutie off of Rose’s shoulder and ran back to the basket that served as their make-believe hot air balloon, cackling.

“Yes!” said Nepeta, holding Mutie up above her head. “Our collection of kitties is nearly complete!”

“Well damn,” said Dave. “Looks like it’s time to chase them down. Who’s with me, gang?”

“I am!” John jumped up and grinned. “Let’s go get Rose’s cat back!”

“You have to chase us, okay?” said Jade. “We’re already way up in the air now!”

“But you’re sitting right there!”

“It’s purrtend!”

Nepeta squealed and hugged her. “You said purrtend! I love you, Jade!”

Jade blushed, Rose smiled, and John rolled his eyes. “Guys? Back to the roleplay?”

"Right!"

The rest of the roleplay involved chasing down Team Bagel's hot air balloon, and battling them in what ended up being a tickle fight. The roleplay was finally declared over when all of them were laughing too much to notice when Mutie grew tired and wandered off.


	28. Karkat x Vriska

When Vriska found out, it was an accident. They weren't supposed to have met in person; Karkat hardly ever left his hive, and Vriska didn't even know that he knew Terezi. Even so, they both ended up going to Terezi's hive at the same time, and they met in the forest.

"Fancy meeting you here, Ka-arkat?" Vriska grinned at him, looking him over. She didn't recognize his sign, which didn't mean much – there were hundreds of signs for each blood color, it was nearly impossible for her to recognize a certain one.

"You too," he mumbled, hunched over with his hands in his pockets. Huh, a lot less confident than he was on Trollian! Not as quick to come up with one of his bullshit insults. (What the hell was a fag, anyway? That wasn't even a word, just her Trollian initials with an F in front of them!) "I was just visiting a friend."

"Well let's chat a little, first!" He paled and backed up as Vriska marched towards him. "You can spare some time for your kismesis, can't you?"

Karkat ended up fleeing with a bloody nose, no doubt hoping to reach his hive before he was caught and culled. Vriska laughed and laughed, but she'd keep it a secret. What was the point of getting your kismesis killed off so easily? No, she would keep his blood color a secret for now.


	29. Karkat x Terezi 2

Their lands were similar, in a way. Karkat's land had beating hearts, while she had the pulse of neurons in the sky. Sometimes, Terezi wondered if you lined them up side by side, they would pulse with the same beat, but those were thoughts for another time.

Right now, they were kissing, while the pulse of the Land of Thought and Flow shone overhead. She could think other thoughts later. Right now, all she wanted to think about was the taste and smell of him.

She's careful not to draw any blood, even though she's curious, because Karkat would freak and she didn't want that. But maybe it's because she's curious that her nose catches the scent of cherry, cherry red, and even while they're kissing, she smiles.


	30. Rose x Karkat

Rose spent two weeks knitting the sweater, finishing it the day before Christmas Eve. Karkat spent the entire time grumping about how this wasn't 12th Perigee's Eve and why couldn't they respect his culture for a change, so it was easy enough to hide it from him when he was bent on making everyone around him as grumpy as he was.

The day arrived, and Rose's present was wrapped neatly under the tree. Karkat, upon picking it up and feeling it, immediately recognized it as a sweater.

"This better not be like Dave's," he said, shooting a glance at the human, who was wearing the ugliest thing Rose had ever made.

"Don't worry," Rose said. "I wouldn't subject you to that. It's just as tacky as any other Christmas sweater, but not overly so."

Karkat rolled his eyes and tore open his present. His eyes widened as he pulled out a sweater patterned with Alternia and its two moons.

Rose smiled. "Merry 12th Perigee's Eve, Karkat."


	31. Jade x Kanaya

Jade's dress was completely soaked in mud, along with her legs and feet She stood knee-deep in the pond, her arms spread out. "Chase it here, Kanaya!"

Kanaya stared at the frog. The frog stared back, ready to hop off in another direction. Unsure what else to do, she waved it towards Jade. "Shoo."

Thankfully, it obliged. It hopped towards Jade, who lunged at it. There was a great splash and then she yelled, "I caught it! I caught it!"

Kanaya ran over to help her up, getting her own clothes wet. Jade stood up straight, grinning and holding a squirming frog in her hands.

"Surely," Kanaya said on their way back, "there's a cleaner way to do this."

"Yeah," Jade said. "But that's not as fun! This way is way better!" and dirty as she was, seeing Jade's smiling face, Kanaya had to agree.


	32. Kisume x Yamame

Yamame slapped Kisume's hand away from the body. "Don't touch that, it's diseased!"

Kisume pouted. "But I want it!"

"No. I don't want you to get sick."

Kisume rocked back and forth in her bucket and frowned. "Wait. If I can't touch diseased things... and you cause diseases... does that mean I can't touch you?"

Yamame laughed. "Don't worry, I only give diseases to humans. I'd never make you sick."

She smiled and hopped forward in her bucket until she was right next to Yamame. "I'm glad you're my friend, Yamame!"

Yamame grabbed the bucket by the handle and slung it over her shoulder with Kisume giggling inside. "I'm glad we're friends, too."


	33. Rose x Kanaya

Rose and Kanaya had decided to move in together, a decision that mostly involved a lot of ferrying Kanaya's things from one room to the other. The entire group already lived in the same house, so it wasn't overly complicated to change rooms, especially when they had already alchemitized a larger bed for the two of them long ago.

"Is that everything?" Rose said, peering into Kanaya's old room.

"I believe so." Kanaya picked up the last item from her room – a small box of assorted jewelry – and began walking back, with Rose following right behind. Once there, Kanaya put the box on the dresser and the move was complete.

"Well." Rose smiled and took her hand. "I suppose it's official."

"Yes." Kanaya smiled back. "I suppose it is."


	34. Rose x Feferi

It took an hour to gather all the supplies for the ritual, and longer for the ritual itself. Feferi led most of the chanting, her voice taking on an ethereal quality as she spoke the words to call upon the most minor of the minor Gods of the Furthest Ring. Minor as it was, it was still an immense power to reckon with, and Rose worried that if push came to shove, their defenses wouldn't hold. She gripped her wands tight, channelled as much power into them as they could take, and waited.

She could feel the power around them grow, until the air crackled with it – and then it disappeared. Feferi stopped chanting and pouted. "Aw, it didn't work!"

Rose sighed, made certain that all the connections to the Furthest Ring were broken, and dropped the defenses. "Well," she said, "there's always next time."

Feferi smiled and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. "Yeah, I guess so!"


	35. Dirk x Jake

They adventure deep down into one of the many tombs on Dirk's planet. Sometimes, Jake wonders how the grist got down there, when without gas masks the consorts would have died, but that's silly, because this is a video game and the grist is there because the game put it there.

It takes a long time of fighting their way past giant skeleton monsters, but they reach the treasure chest. It's a veritable fortune of grist, and under his masks, Jake grins.

"Alrighty, Dirk!" he says. "Let's get back to the surface!"

"Yeah," Dirk says, his voice muffled.

Jake only takes off his mask when they're back at Dirk's house, and when he does, Dirk grabs him and kisses him hard. Jake makes a muffled noise of surprise, but then kisses him back, celebrating their victory.


	36. Dirk x Equius

"And then he starts trying to get me to touch his muscles. I mean, I'm one to appreciate that sort of thing, but not when he's acting that weird. You understand, right?"

"Yes," said Equius, who had no idea what Dirk was going on about.

"Right." Dirk stared out at the landscape of the dreambubble. "I mean, he wasn't really you. He was like, the worst of you combined with the worst of me. It was awful. And it only got worse when my friends showed up."

There was an awkward silence. Equius shifted in his seat, then spoke up, a little hesitantly.

"Do you want to?"

"Want to what?"

"Touch my muscles."

"Oh fuck yes."


	37. Emmet x GCBC

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm gay lego trash

Emmet probably should have expected this – he was somewhat of a celebrity, after all. Still, his plan was not to get swarmed by people when he entered the police station, all of them expressing their admiration for him. After finally managing to disengage himself from them, he ducked into the nearest doorway to get away. Closing it behind him, he sighed and looked up to find out where he was.

Only to freeze when he saw Bad Cop glaring at him through his sunglasses.

"You’re not supposed to be here," he said. Emmet gulped.

"Oh! Great!" He grinned and nervously rocked back and forth on his feet. "You were, uh, just who I was looking for, actually!"

Bad Cop’s scowl didn’t budge. “This is a restricted area,” he said, “and even if you did save the world, you are not authorized to be here.”

"Well, uh." Emmet rubbed the back of his head. "I’ll just say what I need to say, and then I’ll leave! Okay?"

Bad Cop leaned back in his chair. “Make it quick.”

"Okay! Well…" Darn, why was this so nerve wracking? Emmet frantically searched his head for the words he had memorized. "So! We’ve had some, uh, nice talks, lately, like when we met each other at the cafe that one time, and so, I was just wondering if you wanted to… gooutliketoarestaurantorsomethinglikethatyeah."

Bad Cop raised an eyebrow. “You want to go out with us?”

"What? I mean yes, I mean sort of, I mean –"

Before he could finish rambling, Bad Cop’s head spun around, and the scribbly face of Good Cop smiled at him. “Sure, Emmet! We’d like that!”

"– only if you want to, I mean – wait what? Really?"

"Yep!" he said, still smiling. "Tonight, right? We’ll be done with work in an hour!"

"Okay." Emmet grinned, feeling a lot less anxious now that Good Cop was talking. Not that he didn’t like Bad Cop too, but Good Cop just had that effect on people. "Yeah! That’s great?"

"But, erm, this _is_ a restricted area." Good Cop frowned. "I’m afraid I have to ask you to leave for now."

"Right! I’ll, uh, meet you outside of here in an hour then!" Emmet opened the door, revealing a small crowd of police officers who had had their ears pressed to the door.

Emmet stared at them. They stared back. “How much of that did you hear?”

"What are you doing?!" A quick glance behind him showed that Bad Cop had switched back in and had a chair in his hands. Emmet quickly excused himself and headed for the exit. Just as he left the police station, he heard a crash that sounded suspiciously like a chair being slammed against something. Emmet looked back, shrugged, and left, absentmindedly humming "Everything is Awesome" as he walked back to his car.


End file.
